Ok, I’m just going to say what’s on my heart about husbands and wives in the bedroom because this will save some marriages.

Men, be GENTLEMEN in the bedroom!

Don’t put your needs first and don’t let animal instincts take over. Don’t make your wife do things she is not comfortable with. You COULD put pressure on her to do things she is not comfortable with, BUT, you WILL lose her respect. She will start feeling abused and begin to resent you, even if she doesn’t say anything. This is how you will lose her. Instead, talk about what you both feel comfortable with before hand or later, so that you can move together in agreement towards anything new you want to introduce.

Men, you have to continue to MANAGE your sex-drive, even in marriage. You can’t just do whatever you want. The PROBLEM is many men are ADDICTED TO PORNOGRAPHY and then expect their wives to behave like pornstars!

“Well, what’s the problem with that?”

There are HUGE problems with that and if you can’t see this, your marriage is already in danger. Pornography is not innocent and you know that. It’s a perversion of what God has made sacred and pure between a husband and wife. It wants to replace your intimacy and ultimately destroy your marriage.

The problem with pornography is that you become over stimulated and desensitized and therefore require greater amounts of perversion in order to feel sexually satisfied. This means normal intimacy between you and your wife will no longer satisfy you unless it becomes more and more like the pornography you’re watching. What happens then is that if your wife doesn’t perform like the pornstars you have become accustomed to, then you get frustrated with her and her unwillingness and put greater amounts of pressure on her. In the end YOU might be enjoying yourself, BUT your wife is becoming increasingly disturbed and distant. She has every right to be disturbed because this is not what God intended for the marriage bed. Your wife is NOT a pornstar and does not want to be compared with one or treated like one in order to satisfy your increasingly perverted sexual needs, and nor should she have to. If you ALLOW yourself to go down this road you will destroy the intimacy between you and your wife and most likely your marriage. Don’t just let yourself go down this road like so many do!

HEBREWS 13:4 “Let marriage be held in honour among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.”

Pornography is watching other people commit sexual immorality and being adulterous. We’re not supposed to be bringing that into our marriage. It defiles the marriage bed. Instead we are to hold marriage and the marriage bed in HONOUR! Marriage is the intimate union between a man and a woman to the EXCLUSION of ALL others! When we bring pornography into our marriage and expect our wife to behave like a pornstar we are defiling our wife and our marriage bed!

If this is happening in your life, my advice to you is you need to stop, turn around and go the other way. Change the way you think. Be honest with yourself, with God and with your wife. Ask God to help you. Apologise to your wife and talk to her about what she feels comfortable with.

This doesn’t mean you can’t have FUN in the bedroom now. You absolutely can! But fun that you both agree on and feel comfortable with. Of course it’s ok to explore and become more creative and adventurous, but do it together and do it without worldly perversion. Hey, God is the one who created sex! We don’t need the devils help to have fun in the marriage bed! There is a kind of fun you can have in the marriage bed that the world knows nothing about because all the world knows is the pattern of this world which is fallen and depraved. But there is a realm of intimacy that God created and intended for a husband and a wife that is exciting and fun, and it’s beyond just physical and emotional, it’s spiritual where two become one!

You may not be able to change everything overnight, but if you decide you want to, you can start to change now.

Decide you want honour and purity back in your marriage and your marriage bed.

  • Ask God for help.
  • Feast on teaching about overcoming and living in victory. (I’ll post links below).
  • Communicate with your wife no matter how awkward. Tell her you don’t want to make her feel uncomfortable and ask her if there is anything that does make her feel uncomfortable.
  • You don’t have to tell her about every struggle you have with pornography, in fact it’s better if you don’t. Sometimes it can be too much for your wife to process. Just give some basics and let her know you are wanting to be pure and to treat her with purity.
  • Discuss some boundaries for the marriage bed so you both are clear. It will show her how much you respect her and that you’re not wanting to be selfish and make it all about you. The more you do this, things will change and the marriage bed will become less about just your needs and more about a powerful intimate connection between you and your wife.

Commit to working at this. Be patient. Continue to make small investments of generosity, purity, communication and honour as this will all contribute towards a healthy and enjoyable intimacy between you and your wife.

God Bless.

Ryan Rufus.

Find out more about:

Spread the love