How to feel good about yourself.

How is your inner world doing? Are you going through life feeling good about yourself? Or, and no judgment here, do you live with a regular sense of torment, anguish, anxiety, negativity, frustration, anger, self loathing, foreboding, darkness and sadness? If you find that these latter things are what characterise your inner world, then I want to show you what you can do to change that, if you want. I believe it’s totally possible to go through life feeling positive, happy, free, at peace, joyful, content and actually just feeling good about yourself on the inside – even if you’re facing challenges and difficulties. I’m not saying it will be easy or that there’s a magic cure, and I’m not talking about narcissism, self obsession or self-centredness. I’m simply saying that you, as a child of God, can improve the quality of your inner world and get to a place where you feel good about yourself, at least most of the time.

Feeling good about yourself doesn’t come by accident or because you’re just lucky. It’s not because of your temperament either. It’s something you have to intentionally work at. And I believe it’s actually not that hard or complicated. You simply have to “think the things” and “do the things” that make you feel good. Does that sound too simple? Were you expecting something more mystical? The truth is if you were to get into a consistent pattern of thinking the right thoughts and doing the things that make you feel good about yourself, the result will be an increasing momentum on the inside of feeling good. Here’s what I’m talking about.

Here are 12 things that will make you feel good about yourself:

1) Believing the truth of what God says about you.

• There is no condemnation, shame or guilt for you as a born again believer in Christ.
• You are unconditionally loved, accepted and approved of not because of your performance good or bad but because you are in Christ and a child of God.
• You are forgiven of all your sins past, present and future. God is no longer holding them against you and there is no more judgement or punishment from God towards you.
• You are the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus. God see you perfect in Christ all the time, forever!
• Your salvation is eternally secure because of the grace of God, not because of your performance.
• Nothing, absolutely nothing can separate you from God’s infinite love for you.
• God is for you and not against you, there is perfect peace between you and God.
• God doesn’t see you as a filthy sinner and terrible person, he sees you as his beloved child.

2) Getting a win in life.

• Completing a challenge makes you feel good about yourself.
• Conquering something, getting a success, reaching a goal, overcoming an addiction, achieving a prize, getting a medal or a trophy.
• All these things make you feel powerful and give you a feeling of victory and achievement that will make you feel good about yourself.
• But if you’re constantly giving up, not trying, accepting defeat, living defeated – then of course you’re going to feel bad about yourself on the inside.

3)  Making gains and building momentum.

• Building your health, losing weight and keeping it off, building muscle, building your savings and reducing your debts, building your spiritual strength and momentum through regular prayer and study, building strong quality relationship and so on.
• The feeling of gaining momentum in these areas all adds up to making you feel good about yourself on the inside.

4) Earning it!

• You don’t just want to get everything handed to you so easily or for free like you’re some charity case that everyone should feel sorry for. There’s no dignity in that.
• But when you earn something for yourself there’s a strong sense of pride and dignity that comes with that.
• I’m not talking about being proud and unable to accept help when you really need it, and I’m not talking about earning salvation, that is a free gift and something you can never earn. Rather, I’m talking about not exchanging your dignity and power for an entitlement or hand-out mentality.
• It feels good to earn something. You feel powerful when you can pay for things that you had to work hard and save up for.
• It feels good to provide for yourself and/or your family and not have to rely on others.
• Paying off your debts makes you feel less enslaved and more powerful.
• And being rewarded and recognised for good hard work or accomplishments makes you feel good about yourself.

5) Taking a relaxing holiday, and having regular rest days.

• Don’t be too proud to take a break. You need to balance work, rest and play. It actually helps productivity and is a more fun way of doing life.
• Most kids grow up never being taught how to value a break, or how to balance work, rest and play. You have to learn.
• Aim for one full days rest per week. Aim for at least a 2-3 week holiday per year. And find a weekly activity that refreshes and energises you like a sport, hobby or entertainment.
• On rest days and holidays, do the things that make you feel relaxed. Don’t do excessive activity or stressful activity. Sometimes forcing yourself to do nothing so you can get bored is a good thing! Sit by a pool, read a book, unplug, get a massage, go to the beach, go for a walk, to the movies, or just stretch out on the couch for a day watching TV! Don’t feel like you need to get things done on your rest days. Don’t do housework, gardening, or catching up on all your odd jobs – just CHILL and UNWIND!
• I’m convinced that most bad habits, behaviour and addictions that people develop actually start out as coping mechanisms for stress and feeling unfulfilled in life. They are our quick fixes to correct poor emotional and physical management of ourselves.
• Instead of having to use unhealthy “options” to correct the build up of stress and poor emotional and physical management, rather use healthy alternatives to prevent the build up of stress and to invest in your emotions and body. If you do this, then the desire or rather the need for unhealthy options will dramatically diminish.
• When you build up a momentum of healthy rest and play, you will live with less stress, less disappointment in yourself (for doing unhealthy activities to cope) and with a greater sense of fun and fulfilment in life and in yourself. All of this adds up to feeling good about yourself on the inside!

6) Developing a healthy sleeping pattern.

• Sleep is so important. Your brain releases positive hormones that you only get when you’re asleep. That’s why when you don’t get enough sleep you feel grumpy.
• Fight for your sleep. Make it a priority. Invest in a good mattress and pillow. Make your room dark and quiet.
• Don’t be ignorant when it comes to this very important area of your life. We spend one third of our life sleeping on a mattress so make sure you get a good one that will maximise your comfort and deep sleep. This is one area in your life not to be stingy in.
• Also, try to get to bed early as much as you can. Don’t eat or drink a lot before bed. Calm yourself before you go to bed. Find a way to unwind and deal with stress so it’s not robbing you of sleep. Don’t do work all the way up to bedtime, and don’t get into big issues before bed. Manage your time well so you can give yourself unwind and relax time before bed.
• If you build up a momentum of good sleep you will naturally feel better about yourself.

7) Getting rid of bitterness.

• I know it’s easier said than done. But bitterness is stopping you from feeling good on the inside. It’s toxic. It’s poison. Find a way to get rid of it. Carrying around all that bitterness, anger, hatred, pain and offence is robbing you from living with a positive inner state.
• You have to forgive people, release people and stop blaming people. Even if you’re doing this for your own benefit and not theirs.
• The way to forgive people is to realise that we never actually deserved to be forgiven by God yet he did it anyway because of his grace and mercy. People may not deserve to be forgiven but the Bible says “forgive others just as God has forgiven you”. How did God forgive us? He forgave us even though we didn’t deserve it! Those people may not deserve it, but forgive them anyway, just as God forgave you when you didn’t deserve it.
• And because you may still feel the pain of what they did, you might have to keep telling yourself that you have forgiven them and have released them and are no longer holding it against them. Keep doing this and you will reach a point where the pain doesn’t affect you anymore. (It doesn’t mean you have to trust them though. Trust is earned.)
• The more you get rid of bitterness the better you will feel on the inside.

8) Dealing with grief properly.

• Don’t hold it in. Don’t ignore it. Don’t pretend it’s not real. Cry. Let it out.
• Remember loved ones, but let them go. Letting them go isn’t forgetting them, it’s simply moving on with your life while you remember them. Know that they would want you to move on with your life. You might think you can’t live without them, but you can, and they want you to. Celebrate the time you did have together. Cherish it. It meant something.
• Don’t carry around guilt or regret that you didn’t do enough or say goodbye properly.
• Don’t embrace a spirit of heaviness or feel like you have to be depressed forever in order to honour them. Let go of heaviness and depression. Don’t give in to excessive grief. That’s not healthy for you or what they would have wanted. Grieve and move on.
• Forgive yourself if you need to. Even if you think you don’t deserve it. Let joy come back, even if it’s slowly.
• Honour loved ones by living your life and allowing yourself to feel good about yourself.

9) Giving and receiving makes you feel good about yourself:

• Giving gifts and receiving gifts.
• Giving and receiving positive words, compliments, affirmation.
• Giving love and being loved.
• Helping others, giving and volunteering in your church/ministry/charity.
• Doing these things make you feel good on the inside.

10) Caring about your appearance.

• Wearing nice clothes.
• Getting a nice haircut.
• Having a makeover.
• This may seem superficial, but try it for awhile. Decide you’re going to care about they way you look. Not for everyone else’s benefit but for your own inner well being. Take pride in yourself. Believe you have dignity and worth. Go get some nice clothes, a new watch, jewellery and a great hairstyle that all makes you feel good. Who cares what people think or say, forget them, do it for yourself! YOU DO DESERVE IT! It’s time to feel good about yourself!

11) Leading someone to the Lord.

• This is one of the best feelings in the world. You know you’ve affected someone’s eternity! And you feel like you’ve done something so incredibly important, because you have!
• The more you lead people to the Lord or are part of a church or ministry that is seeing people saved, the more you will feel good about yourself on the inside.

12) Resolving conflict and resentment.

• Don’t let it build up and fester while you just ignore it. Deal with it and manage it.
• Resentment is a wedge that slowly drives people apart. It’s starts off small but grows bigger and bigger the more you don’t deal with it. Deal with resentment especially when it’s small.
• Be humble. Admit mistakes. Take responsibility. Lead the way in all this. Be the bigger person. Don’t wait for others to initiate resolution. You be the one.
• Keep your relationships as healthy and conflict free as much as you are able to do.
• Having healthy relationships, that are stronger because you’ve faced conflict and resolved it, makes you feel good on the inside.

You know what, there are many other things that make you feel good, but these are a great place to start. These are the basics. Do them well. Make the right decisions and life will begin to stack up a momentum of feeling really good on the inside.

If this all feels a little superficial or self centred to you, know that God is a good Father and actually really cares about your well-being as one of His children. He knew you before he formed you in your mother’s womb. You are so precious to him that he was willing to send his son, Jesus, to die for you. And he really cares about your inner state.

1 John 3:1 “Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God!”

2 Thessalonians 2:16-17 “May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who has loved us and given us everlasting comfort and hope, which we don’t deserve, comfort your hearts with all comfort, and help you in every good thing you say and do.”

God bless you, and may His peace fill you in every way.
– Ryan Rufus.

Subscribe to our monthly newsletter and get a free copy of

“The Clear Message of Grace”.

SUBSCRIBE to our Newsletter here.

Other posts you may find helpful:

Overcoming insecurity

Overcoming pornography

Overcoming a spirit of discouragement

Think, don’t worry about money.

How to steward each paycheck to get out of debt and into abundance.

If people could see my thoughts.

Walking in the Spirit Covenant. (Listen)

Walking by your reborn spirit. (Listen)

Walking in fellowship with the Holy Spirit. (Listen)