Proverbs 15:32 “If you reject discipline, you only harm yourself; but if you listen to correction, you grow in understanding.”
Mark 3:14 “He appointed twelve—designating them apostles—that they might be with him and that he might send them out to preach.”
There are so many Christians today who are frustrated and disillusioned because they know the calling that’s on their life and the potential they have, but are not seeing it come about. They want to prophecy, heal the sick, evangelize, preach the Gospel, help people come into grace, pastor, lead worship, lead a church, move in the gifts of the Spirit, write, act, sing, dance, design, draw, paint, play music, teach, administrate or find their ministry in business, politics, media and so on. Perhaps this describes a frustration in you. You look around and see so many others having success in these areas and wonder how you can too.
If you look at all the great sports stars around the world you’ll notice one thing in common, they all have coaches. Even those that are the best in the world at what they do, all have a coach. I watch a lot of MMA fighting and one thing I consistently notice, even amongst the greatest world champion fighters, is that they all still have coaches and trainers around them continually pushing them to work hard and to bring the best out of them. One of their sayings is, “If you want to be the best you need to train with the best.”
The professional world understands this need for coaches and mentors. The world’s most successful singers, dancers, actors and sports stars usually always still have coaches and mentors that they continue to learn from. In fact they have little chance of getting to and staying at such a high level of success without them.
The world in turn has agencies where people go to get help. Such as consulting agencies, life coaching agencies, public relations agencies, image consultant agencies, counseling agencies, coaching clinics and more. All these are there to help people become their best and reach their full potential.
Why is it that when it comes to the Christian world we don’t think we need a coach? We want to go and do powerful things for God, but we don’t want a coach telling us what to do or pushing us to work hard. We think because of grace we don’t have to work and anyone telling us what to do is just “controlling” or “legalistic”. “We can just rest and God will do it all”. How ridiculous! This is why many Christians are frustrated and disillusioned. Grace doesn’t let us off the hook from hard work. In fact it’s because of grace that we can truly work hard.
1 Corinthians 15:10 “But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain. On the contrary, I worked harder than any of them, though it was not I, but the grace of God that is with me.”
Grace should never be an excuse not to push ourselves but rather it’s like a performance enhancing drug that gives us supernatural and unfair advantages in life!
Paul, that amazing apostle of grace, worked extremely hard and is a great mentor for all of us “grace people”. Listen to the great coaching advice he gives to the believers in Rome:
Romans 12:11 “Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically.”
As Christians, though, we don’t want someone speaking into our life pointing out our faults and correcting us when we’re going wrong. We also don’t like to admit that we need help. But if you don’t think you need a coach you are in trouble. You’ll either get nowhere, or if you do get somewhere you’ll probably blow it. You see it happen all the time in the Christian world. Either people don’t get anywhere because they refuse to have mentors, coaches, spiritual fathers or mothers and apostles speaking into their lives, or people get so big and powerful on their natural gifting and anointing but then go off into sin or error or burnout. “I’m to big and above everyone else to have someone coaching my character and holding me accountable!”
But coaches help you go further. They also help safeguard your life from failure. It’s when you think you don’t need them that you head down a dangerous path. Bottom line, as long as you’re in any kind of ministry for God, you need a coach. And not just a hero, but also a coach.
A hero is someone that inspires and envisions you, but a coach is someone that trains you. A hero can be someone that is far away or that doesn’t even know you, like your favorite preacher or sports star. A coach is someone that is actively in your life and has regular contact and access to you. They observe you and speak into your life. In the Christian world they can be people like pastors, apostles, ministry networks, spiritual fathers/mothers, spiritual brother/sisters, small-group leaders, close friends and even your spouse.
If you read through the Gospels you’d notice a pattern of how Jesus coached and trained his twelve disciples. He first taught them something. Then he demonstrated it to them. He then gave them opportunity to try it. He corrected them when they failed. He then repeated the process over and over again until they were finally doing what he was able to do. He would teach them about healing and then demonstrate it. He would then send them out to go and heal the sick. They’d fail – he’d explain why. Then he would teach them again, demonstrate again, send them out again and give feedback again, until they finally got it and were healing the sick and raising the dead on their own. In the Book of Acts we see Jesus entrusting the future of the Church to these few disciples. Well they were ready for it. You see them healing multitudes and getting many saved. They even trained and coached these new disciples and with increased numbers of trained ministers of the Gospel they turned their towns and cities right side up for the Kingdom of God!
Many church leaders and ministers mistakenly think that discipleship is about keeping people accountable so that they don’t sin or do the wrong things. Well it’s not. It’s about helping to bring the best out of people. It’s about building people’s confidence and helping them to believe in themselves. It’s about helping people to recognise their potential and to keep seeing the big picture and to never give up even when things get tough.
Coaches help you make the right decisions and avoid unnecessary mistakes. They challenge you to not take the easy road and not to make excuses. They confront you when you’re giving into lies and help you see the truth. They push you. They don’t let you get comfortable and they refuse to see you settle for mediocre. But all because they believe you have greatness in you and they know they can bring it out.
You need coaches in your life. You won’t always like their advice. Sometimes you may hate them for being so honest with you especially when they’re making you confront your true inner character. But you need them. Human nature always wants to get comfortable and settle for what’s easier. But you’ll never conquer mountains that way. Coaches awaken the spirit of adventure in you and show you a world where you conquer mountains, and then they push you to do that.
It’s important to recognize that no matter how successful you are, you still need coaches in your life. Not just token coaches to appear like you have coaches, but actually real coaches. Most people know the potential that’s in them and want to excel, but pride gets in the way because they can’t handle having their faults pointed out or being told that what they’re doing is wrong. It’s pride that says, “I can do it all on my own.” But that is not going to get you very far. You have to swallow that pride and see that being corrected doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means you’re interested in growing, getting better, getting wiser, getting stronger and more successful in your calling.
Most people don’t have coaches in their life because, firstly, they don’t value them and secondly they don’t realise it’s up to them to invite coaches into their life. You have to invite a coach into your life. Coaches don’t normally force themselves in. They need an invitation. And you then need to submit yourself and make yourself accountable to them once they are your coach. You also need to give them permission to confront, correct and challenge you and to chase you down when you try to run away. You need to let them “get up in your face!” Most Christians can’t handle this, especially those in the “grace camp”. They think it’s too controlling or performance driven. They would see these coaches as abusive people who just put pressure on them and expect too much from them. The reality is those Christians are not going to get very far and will be continually running away all their lives. Their idea of “rest” and “not striving” is actually just an excuse for mediocrity and an average life.
I thank God for my father Rob Rufus who has been a spiritual father, a mentor and a coach to me. When I went through my rebellious phase from fifteen to seventeen years of age he was always there to confront me with truth. It seriously kept me from straying too far and I am eternally grateful for it and for him. At seventeen he led me to the Lord in dramatic fashion. I had just gotten into trouble with the police for shoplifting and had to come home and face my dad after the police had phoned him. I was obstinate, angry, embarrassed and resisted him at every level. He confronted me with eternity – heaven and hell. He showed me how lost I was. The whole time the Holy Spirit was shooting arrows of conviction and love into my heart until I finally broke and could resist Him no longer. I literally went downstairs to my room, got on my hands and knees in true repentance and surrendered my heart to Jesus. That day I got radically born again. Addictions in my life broke instantly as I came alive to Christ. I started out on this greatest journey a person can take and my dad has been there for me the whole time, inspiring, mentoring and coaching me.
He taught me how to pray. Numbers of times I would wake up in the morning to him praying intensely in his office next door to my room. I would get up and go out for a few hours and come home to him still praying with the same intensity. That affected me and still does.
He taught me commitment and how to fight for things without giving up and he held me to it. I have literally never seen him give up at anything. He imparted to me a passion for the Church, for the supernatural, for people and them walking in freedom, for the lost, for the Word of God and for preaching. He showed me what a real man is and what it is to honor and love your wife. He has taught me authority and leadership. He has taught me how not to give into manipulation, how to be bold and lead strong, how to face persecution and attacks and not retreat or react in the wrong way. He taught me how to stay focused, passionate, to work hard and so many other important things. I would never be doing what I am doing today if it weren’t for my father. He has helped enrich, strengthen and mature my life and ministry. Today we are best friends and spiritually joined together in ministry forever. Our gifts compliment each other and synergise together. We have a deep honour and respect towards each other and inspire one another to go further and higher. We’ve had to work through differences and conflicts at times of course, but it has only served to strengthen our relationship and enhance us.
I know I’ve also been an inspiration to him and in some ways coached him in areas where I’ve seen things clearer. We’re at a place where we bring out the best in each other. We check our theology with each other, keep each other balanced if we’re going into any unhelpful extremes, and help give each other needed direction. I’ve needed his coaching in my life and I pray I have it for as long as possible.
I’ve been noticing something in this “grace movement” though, and that is that some people are throwing off correction and accountability and walking away from spiritual fathers, mothers, coaches, pastors and leaders and are becoming less teachable. I think this is dangerous. I get concerned when I see people operating in isolation and independence without proper spiritual parents or coaches speaking into their lives. Some of them are becoming “loose cannons” that are causing destruction. The sad thing is they are often big capacity people that have great potential but are trading it in for independence so they can have instant ministry and avoid any confrontation.
As long as you’re in any kind of ministry, you need a coach. I don’t care if you’re the best in the world at what you do, you need someone speaking into your life, offering perspective, correcting you, showing you where you’re going wrong and what you need to be adjusting. You need people who can challenge you when you’re losing the plot and going off into weird stuff, or wanting to compromise and settle or give up, and you need to be able to hear them by being humbly submitted to them.
What should coaches be holding us accountable to?
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Fulfilling the destiny and calling on our life.
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Using our God given talents.
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Staying spiritually fit and on fire for God.
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Keeping our hearts pure.
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Living in grace and not going back to the Law.
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Reaching out to others.
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Our calling in our local church.
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Taking care of our family.
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Financial management and integrity.
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Major life decisions.
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Not wasting our life.
Areas of discipline we need to work hard in, be coached in and coach others in:
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Prayer.
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Studying the Word.
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Fasting (extended times of prayer).
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Purity.
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Commitment to our church.
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Serving in our church.
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Financial commitment to our church.
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A life of generosity.
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Sharing our faith.
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Praying for the sick.
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Caring for others.
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Developing our talents and gifts.
How to find a coach:
Okay, so you realize how much you need coaches in your life. Your next question is, “How can I find a coach?”
Firstly deal with your pride and learn how to take criticism and be humble. Learn how to ask for criticism. When people see you have potential and want to grow and can handle advice, they are more likely to try and help you. Secondly look for people who are ahead of you in where you want to be and actively learn from them. In church there’s usually a range of ages from young to old and it’s a good place for finding coaches and mentors as well as being a coach and mentor to others.
Become a person people will want to coach. Listen to your pastors. Ask them for advice on major decisions in your life – before you make the decision!
Check your theology and any sermons or articles you write with coaches before you put it out there. Give people permission to speak into your life and make yourself truly accountable to them even if it feels a bit awkward. It’s actually very refreshing to take a humble stance and admit you need other people’s help. It releases you from the pressure to have to be perfect all the time.
Admit faults and apologise if necessary when you’ve made a mistake, have been wrong or done something wrong. Keep admitting that you’re still growing and need to learn from others. Get a reputation for being teachable, open to constructive criticism, willing to adjust and not a “know it all” who’s arrogant and above everyone else! Finally just ask certain people if they would be willing to coach you.
There also may be seasons where you might consider certain preachers around the world as a coach for awhile. You may never get actual access to them but they have something on their life and in their message that you need to feed on for awhile. Download their sermons, watch their videos, read their books, attend their conferences. At times God has told me that certain ministries need to be my coach for a season and I’ve always grown so much from their input during that season. If you feel you need to have them more as a coach in your life it can be worth trying to contact them, and you might need to get involved with some of the things they are doing like conferences, ministry network, courses they run and so on. But while doing that, stay faithful to your local church.
It might be time to reassess where you’re at. Think about the gifting, talents, callings and desires on your life. Where are you and where do you believe you’re supposed to be? What do you need help with and to work on? Who in your immediate circle do you think could be a coach? There might be a few people you need to learn from. Pray about it. Talk to you leaders, parents, friends, spouse. Start to get involved in things that take you closer and develop your skills. Invest in courses, books, resources, conferences. Set time aside to study and grow. Don’t be discouraged if some people you ask for help don’t say yes. Keep searching and you will find.
Bless you and I pray you grow in your gifting and ministry and have courage to go after it. I hope New Nature Ministries can also help you along the way. We really want to see people growing in God and their calling and being effective in ministry. I highly recommend my book “After the Revolution” for further reading. It talks a lot more about this coaching culture, how to fulfil your dreams through discipline, seven essential teachings in discipleship, being fruitful and multiplying, dealing with wrong spirits and walking in divine order and the right kind of leadership. It’s available in our shop and I’d encourage you to spend the small amount it costs as an investment into your future coaching and development for life and ministry. I believe it’s something that will really help you.
God bless, Ryan Rufus.
